by Barbara Todish   

With Valentines Day fast approaching, perhaps there need to be more consciouness raised about the tradition. This holiday, one mostly for women, puts men on the defensive. It practically FORCES men to succumb, at least this one day, to the social and cultural FORCE of relationships. Valentines day is the female equivalent of the mostly male dominated Super Bowl Sunday! Perhaps the domestic abuse that goes on during Super Bowl Sunday, (well known studies have documented this abuse), is payback or payforward, etc., for men being FORCED (well if they want to be politically correct, at least) to show appreciation for female spouses, girlfriends, etc. Of course it can be argued that men benefit from Valentines Day, as well, but this is mostly cursory, unless the men are metrosexuals, etc.

Women may need to see relationships as practice for their most important relationship, namely the relationship they have with themself. Regardless of how beautiful you may be, looks alone are empty illusions unless and until you love yourself. This is proven time after time when gorgeous women, celebrities, etc., are abused by their spouses, domestic partners, etc. Women may be seeking from their significant others what only they can give to themselves, self love.

Of course, prior to seeking self and or others' love we first must survive, and love of self and/or of others, necessarilly takes a back seat to that basic survival. But once we are free from the exigencies of basic survival, we women need to "fine tune" all that excess energy so that instead of drama and ego, the energy can be transformed into self love. What I am saying is that womens energy, after basic survival is secured, needs to be re-directed like men redirect their energy. Instead of relationships, men are mostly interested in PERFORMANCE. Women need to use their energy to likewise, PERFORM, but women need to PERFORM for themselves, without bringing in the drama and ego of RELATIONSHIPS.

If women really want to understand men better, then they need to do the work involved in having a relationship with themselves. Men,on the other hand, need to TRANSCEND the PERFORMANCE LEVEL "relationships" that they have with themselves by risking to make new memories instead of being stuck at the competion level (compare and consume, etc) vs womens cooperation level (drama and ego). This can be done by taking on the anxiety of ambiguity, the most primal adventure of all: replacing all of society and all of CULT-URE and all of F-LAW with a world where everyone is a hero, heroine, to themself.