by James and Jean Anton   

What a hoot!
Jan Brewer, makes a complete ass of herself in a debate, and still leads her closest opponent by more than ten points. Wackos Sharron Angle and Rand Paul scare even right wingers and they have an excellent chance of being elected. Sarah Palin (need I say more?) is the Republican front runner for, get this... PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

We gotta do something.

For instance, we gotta have more one-on-ones with God. Republicans are always talking to Him. He validates everything they do, even weird stuff like declaring that Corporations are people, and endorsing tax breaks for billionaires. If we talked to God more, we could trump right-wing hate-show hosts with stuff like: “I was just having a one-on-one with God the other day, and guess what? He’s pro-choice.”
Voters don’t doubt one-on-ones with God.

We gotta get more folksy. If Republicans were doctors they would prescribe chicken soup for everything: from AIDS to cancer. If a doctor dared to criticize them for being simplistic, Republicans would come back with something like, “What? So you think your education makes you better than regular people? Chicken soup was good enough for my mother, and it should be good enough for yours.” And if a real doctor protested, they would launch a vicious campaign that accused him of being against motherhood.
Instead of health care reform, we should advocate chicken soup.

We gotta be cuter. Palin is the poster girl for cute. She’s the eternal Miss-America finalist, and it doesn’t get any cuter than that. The person who came up with writing jib notes on her hand should be given an Emmy. It put her into the cute stratosphere. Kindergarten-Cop star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, built a career on cute. Jan Brewer goes ga-ga in front of tens of millions of voters, and instead of getting scared, voters think she’s cute. Reminds them of one of Grandma’s senior moments.
We gotta make more of an effort in the cute department. There must be some cute people out there whom we can use to get voter attention. Let’s face it, Obama is not cute. Pelosi is less cute than that. Reid is downright un-cute. And I am not even going to mention Hillary.
We have to start fielding cuter candidates.

We gotta get mad! Republicans are always mad. They’re mad at Moslems, immigrants, the income tax, sales tax, the unemployed, the poor, immigrant babies, artists, same-sex marriage, lawyers, Mullahs, public schools, Atheists, doctors, social security, civil rights, Hindus, stem-cell research, politicians, the UN, foreign languages, vegetarians, Buddhists, the Quran, environmentalists, agnostics, Medicare, conservationists, national parks, union members, teachers, smart people, scientists, socialists, Michael Moore, and the French.

We gotta keep the message moronic. Red, white and blue can be our colors too. We use too many grays, which are dull, dull, dull. Stop complicating everything. If we can’t put our entire political philosophy on a bumper sticker, we should forget it. Voters like simple answers. By providing incredibly simple answers to very complex questions, we might win an election or two in November.

We gotta be more showy about our patriotism, and use a hell of a lot more platitudes. They have made the American flag the brand of the Republican party. We have to take it back. We should wave the flag every chance we get. As for platitudes, look how much mileage they get out of using the word ‘freedom’ about everything. It costs a million dollars PER YEAR, PER SOLDIER in Iraq and Afghanistan. Voters don’t complain because Freedom is not cheap is one heck of a platitude.

We gotta get rid of a few amendments to the Constitution.
Republicans want to eliminate a tonnage of amendments like: Amendment 4 that requires police to get a search warrant even for illegals; Amendment 8 that bars cruel-and-unusual punishment, including torture; Amendment 14 that ‘outrageously’ gives illegal aliens’ babies born in the USA citizenship; Amendment 1 that calls for the separation of church and state; Amendment 15 that grants the right to vote to all citizens, even ‘un-Americans’; Amendment 17 that lets Senators be elected by a popular vote; Amendment 13 that abolished slavery (and led to affirmative action); Amendment 16 that allows the income tax; Amendment 21 that repealed Amendment 18 (prohibition).
If we don’t eliminate some Amendments to the Constitution ourselves very soon, there aren’t going to be any left for us to eliminate.

As for the Second Amendment, why should Republicans take credit for protecting the right of every American to fantasize that he is Bruce Willis in Live Free Or Die Hard? We gotta take the Second Amendment even further. Let’s REQUIRE that every American own a gun. Let’s declare that the Second Amendment gives every American the right to own nuclear bombs.

Finally we gotta fight dirty. We should create fake grassroots movements like the Tea Party funded by real shadowy groups like FreedomWorks which are funded by real shadowy billionaires like David Koch. We have to create more fake news stories, then pretend they’re real, like Fox News does. Voters prefer fake news to real news anyway. For example, right now a typical serious news headline has stuff like: “Senator Vitter has voted repeatedly with big oil to keep 35 billion in tax breaks.”
Borrrrring.
We need a fake host who will come up with better headlines like: PALIN’S FIVE-INCH SPIKE HEELS USED IN CHILD-PORN FLICKS!!! Who cares if it’s true? Do Palin or Beck (her probable running mate) worry about spreading lies?

We have to stop worrying about truth so much.

By James and Jean Anton
www.endendlesswars.org